Put A Fork In Me. I'm Done.

Being at home this weekend to care for my mom creates emotional wreckage. Things are difficult. (Wait until I tell you about yesterday's incident involving my mom and her inability to conceptualize maps and direction). We get along better than we used to, but something's still not quite right. It's like no matter how hard I try, or no matter what I do, it's never good enough. It's never right.

She often makes me feel like a failure at life. She's not the only person who makes me feel that way, but she was the first person.

When I finally leave on Monday to return to College Town, I'll begin my own sort of recovery. It'll take a couple of days to feel good about myself again. It'll take a few days to remind myself that it's not everybody else in the world who aren't satisfied with me. It's only a select few.

While I'm in complaint mode, I'm also going to use this post to tell you I'm rather perturbed with BFS4. She was supposed to take me out for my birthday this weekend. We were just going to go out to eat and to a movie. However, I wanted to go out on Sunday (since the roads are too nasty today) but she can't because that's Husband's day off from work and she doesn't want him to be upset.

WTF!? She lives with him! They can't spare a few hours together so she can accompany me to a movie? For my birthday!? Really?

Really.

Suck it up kittlekat, it's not about you.

Nothing's ever about you.

That's the problem.

No lyrics, too busy watching Dude Where's My Car? True story.

I Bring The Bad Luck.

In my last post I mentioned taking my mother to the hospital for her surgery. Last time she had this done, a family member took her and I didn't see her until a day or two after her surgery. This time I used paid family sick leave to take the day off from work. I had to be at class at 3:30, an hour away. We had to get up at 5:00am to get to the hospital on time. My mom was scheduled for the first surgery of the day. Easy peasy.

Well, it didn't really happen like that.

We got up at 5, to a bunch of wet snow. Heavy wet snow is horrible. It took us twice as long to the hospital as it should've and apparently the county is no longer really attempting to do much to clean the roads. They're claiming lack of funds. Whatever. So, we get to the hospital. Good to go, right?

Wrong.

Apparently my mom had a blood transfusion last time and it left her with some disagreeable antibodies. One would think the blood she had drawn 2 weeks ago for tests would've alerted the medical staff that she'd need a special batch of blood. At the very least, the blood tests she had 48 hours before surgery would've put the hospital on notice. Right?

Long story short, I had to leave the hospital at noon (roads were atrocious) and my mom still hadn't gone into surgery. They were waiting for the Red Cross to call them to confirm the blood the hospital have on hand was a match. Her surgery was scheduled for 7:00am. She was hooked to an iv drip at 6:30 and was still on it when I left. You know, because the Red Cross was going to call at any moment. Moment turned into multiple hours.

My grandma (my mom's ex-mother-in-law, technically), showed up around 7, so luckily she was there to stay with my mom and be there when she finally got out of surgery at 2 in the afternoon. My mom may or may not've said that perhaps I should've just let my grandma take her in the first place.

My bad luck often puts itself on others.

Remember that post a week or two ago about feeling luckier?

It was faux.

Mom's okay though! Well, sort of, she's pretty sick I guess and may have to spend a couple of extra days in the hospital and she needed another blood transfusion. I can't go home until Friday to take care of her for the weekend, but now it looks like she won't be home until Friday at the earliest. I'll be there to take care of her until Monday afternoon.

Because I'm a good daughter...mostly.

"You know it's not like she's forgot about it
She's just dealin' with the pain
And the fact that she's survived so well without him
You know it's drivin' him insane
And the crazy thing about it,
Is she'd take him back
But the fool in him that walked out
Is the fool that just won't ask"
-Garth Brooks

Because I'm a good daughter...mostly.

I'm actually taking the day off from work tomorrow to take my mom to the hospital for knee replacement surgery. Luckily, she's scheduled for the wee hours of the morning so I can still make it to class in the afternoon.

She had this procedure done on her other knee about 3 years ago. So, it's sort of a routine surgery, but there's always the worry, the what if. I can't miss any classes this week so other family members will take care of her until I can get home next weekend. She should be in the hospital until Thursday anyway. Then it's all rehabilitation.

Here's hoping everything goes well!

No lyrics today; I'm watching tv. *gasp* I know!

Current Events

Stole this list from someplace, if it was from you please let me know.

Current Book(s):
The Sex Lives of Cannibals by J. Maarten Troost
Various legal textbooks

Current Music:
Jamie Foxx, Trey Songz, A Fine Frenzy, 30 Seconds to Mars, but mostly smooth r&b sex tunes.

Current Shame-Inducing Guilty Pleasure:
Smooth r&b sex tunes? Daydreaming about Lebron James. I mean, seriously, he's twice my height and 1/3 my age and not my type at all & I barely ever watch NBA games...some things defy reason

Current Colors:
fuschia

Current Obsessions:
fake sports betting

Current Drink:
Water

Current Song:
"She Got Her Own" -Jamie Foxx

Current Movie:
Anything on the Lifetime Movie Network

Current TV Shows:
Big Love

Current Wish-List:
I wish law school graduation would be here already. As for more feasible wishes, I wish I had friends with whom to hangout.

Current Needs:
My bedroom needs to be cleaned; my teenage self would be impressed by the mess.
I need to suck it up and clear enough from my budget to join a gym.

Current Triumph:
Thinking about Boy not liking me no longer brings me to tears.

Current Bane of my Existence:
Stinky dogs. Stinky dog food.

Current Goal:
Learn enough about hockey to not get scolded every time I propose a hockey bet.

Current Indulgence:
Fake sports betting. Are you seeing a problem pattern?

Current Blessings:
Having the strength to be more emotionally stable than I have been over the last 4 years.

Current Slang or Saying:
I've been using the word, "clearly" a lot. I text the phrase, "good bet?" a lot.

Current (Fav) Outfit:
My new jeans that have light blue seaming, paired with a blue tee & gray cardigan thing

Current Excitement:
Fake sports betting, of course.

Current Mood:
Fine

"I bet the neighbors know my name
Way you screamin' scratchin' yellin',
Bet the neighbors know my name
They be stressin' while we sexin'
I bet the neighbors know my name"
-Trey Songz

She should be more grateful!

Here's a quick story and I'm not sure how I made the connection, but stick with me. A number of years ago when I was headed home from CollegeTown for the weekend, I stopped and adopted a kitten for my mother. I took that cat home and my mother, who was never a cat person, suddenly became a crazy cat lady.

Where am I going with this? Well, I went home last weekend and returned on Valentine's Day. My roommates were talking about Valentines and how none of us have one this year. While they both indicated it was the first time in like 10 years they haven't had Valentines, I told them I've never had one. (It's true, the only 2 times I even came close, the guys were complete dicks on my birthdays (b-day #18 & #25) and since my birthday is so close to Valentines day, I wasn't exactly feeling lovable). Anyway, my roommates made that sighing noise and said "Awwwww, that's actually kind of sad." (Fret not, I didn't experience one drop of emo this year, thank goodness).

So how are the cat and never having a Valentine connected? Because I have video proof that if I never find a guy to love me, I won't cut it as a crazy cat lady either (and yes, that's my voice):