Here Come The Holidays.

Last night, while I sat at home alone on a Friday, I couldn't help but think of what everybody else was doing. The start of the holiday celebration at our capital. Couples watching the lighting of the tree. People my age married, taking their children out for the start of the season. Girls out with their girlfriends, laughing at the bar. I even thought about what Boy could be doing, and that thought isn't good at all. Overall, I may've had one mini-crying jag that lasted not even a minute before I told myself, "Don't be stupid, these aren't things worth crying over. Pull yourself together, crazy!"

For me, quite frankly, the holiday season sucks. It throws my lack of social connection, emotional detachment, and loneliness in my face. It's like an entire 2 month period where every day I look in the mirror and staring back at me is a big fat loser. An incompetent girl who may never be able to connect with anyone. A girl disheartened by her circumstances.

I genuinely like the holidays so usually I manage to pull myself together and be grateful for what I do have. I try my best to make the best of the season. Alone or not. I've gotten pretty good at celebrating by myself.

But this year? This year I'm quitting. This year I'm going to allow myself to scrooge it up. I'm going to allow myself to be weak.

This year I'm going to start my own tradition and go see a movie on Christmas Day. After all, I never have anything to do but sit home alone, I might as well give my mind something to think about other than the fact I'm home alone.

Okay, so maybe I just really want to see Nine, but I'm totally going to play the emo card.

Just because I can.

"The fire is slowly dying,
And, my dear, we're still goodbye-ing,
But as long as you love me so,
Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!"
-Various Artists