Two Weeks.

Two weeks ago today I stopped taking Adderall XR.

You can read about how I came to that decision in a previous post. However, I didn't go into detail about the reasoning. You see, through my voracious searching I discovered adderall xr could be a culprit for a lot of the things I thought were just me being ridiculous. I've read hundreds of stories from people telling their tales about their experiences, good & bad. Some things stood out as side effects I could see in myself. These include: irritated, stressed, anger, rage, talkativeness, incessant talking, tense muscles, tense body, tense in general, impulsiveness, among other things. Then there was a story from one girl that really made me wonder why I never realized part of my problem could be the adderall xr. She said she'd always been pretty mellow, never had many feelings, but the medicine made her have intense feelings, she'd talk but couldn't stop talking & had never been much of a talker, and she would get out of control mad and agitated and irritated.

Now don't get me wrong, before you roll your eyes, I'm not one of those anti-drug zealots. I promise. I'm not blaming the drug for anything, it's just helpful to me to figure out things that've been going on with me for a long time.

In addition, I could pinpoint things like when I go to Boy's I usually take my full dose, which is generally double what I take on an average daily basis. No good.

One thing that's tough for me to admit is whenever I take adderall xr, I have an urge to drink alcohol, to soften the edginess of the effects. And, when I take the full dose, the edge doesn't go away so I drink until I don't remember and continue to drink because the edge won't go away. I've actually been a bit worried that the alcoholism gene was rearing it's head and I was venturing down that dark path.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because I need to get it out, to share.

You should know there are people who have no idea who I am when I'm not on an amphetamine. Even Boy doesn't, granted for the first couple of months I was on a very low dose, he probably doesn't even remember me then because of how horrible I've been since.

In sum, I've quit taking it. Last Monday I did not take my dose and haven't taken any since then. I didn't talk to my doctor about it. I didn't gradually lower my dose. I just quit taking it. Which would probably lead most people to an epic fail, but I've managed, mostly fine.

The plan has always been to try cognitive behavior therapy, but I've never had the time or money. So, part of my Get Right plan, which will be discussed in a later post, will include setting aside time & money to do behavior therapy.

Now, what differences have I seen since stopping Adderall XR?

Some Pros: I'm starting to actually feel like me. In control. Less tense. Less sad. More mellow. Significantly less talkative. Less effected by things. No frickin' crashes, the last of which was a horrendous one I had my last Sunday with Boy since I accidentally took an extra 1/2 dose on that Saturday. Most importantly, no urge to drink! Thank goodness I'm not on my road to alcoholism!

Some Cons: What was I talking about? Yes, my absent-mindedness is increasing exponentially, severely tired, shyness rearing its ugly head, inability to focus on homework. It takes me like 5 times as long to do homework. Frustration at my inability to focus.

I may start using the lower dose I was on originally, 3 years ago. It seemed to help my focus without making me crazy. Plus, I have a huge paper to finish writing and law school exams coming up, I really need to focus. I think I may go back on Strattera, but I remember it makes me incredibly tired for the first 2-weeks and with every dosage change, so I need to wait until winter break. Or, I may continue with an extremely low-dose of Adderall XR and if at anytime I take more than I should, I'll stop using it. I mean, what was I thinking? I'm the girl who took recreational drugs in half the dose most people take. Why didn't I weed out the adderall xr sooner? I'm so stupid.

Moral of this story: Even legal amphetamines are amphetamines and even smart girls can forget that fact.


"With some good red wine and my brand new shoes
Gonna dance a blue streak around my living room
Take a chance on love and try how it feels
With my heart wide open now you know I will
Find what it means to be the girl
Who changed her mind and changed her world"
-Sugarland