Meltdown City.

I've been off of the adderall xr for just over a month now. I'm sure you're all probably sick of hearing about it, but in the last month there were more okay days than emo days and it felt really good. I was starting to feel good about myself. I was less crazy overall and it was awesome.

However, with exams & my paper, I decided to refill my prescription. Actually, my mom had it refilled and she didn't know there wasn't much of a price difference between the original and generic, so she bought the generic. The generic is just called, "Amphetamine ER," talk about throwing things in your face.

So I took it, and it sucked. It's still sucking. Right now I'm feeling the come down from it. My body is incredibly tense. I just feel irritable in general. Yesterday, I felt above and beyond emo. I HAD to have a drink to take the edge off. Wow, the edge? I'm not really sure if this generic causes more of an edgy feeling or if I'm just used to not feeling it anymore so it's markedly noticeable. Either way, I feel much crappier emotionally than I have in weeks and with all of that feeling going on, I still didn't focus better on school work. I was too busy being emo and irritable.

This is totally not worth it. By going off of it for a month and then trying it again, I am certain it has played a large part in why I hate myself so much. With the holidays here, I just can't put myself through it again now that I know I can feel good despite my current lonely circumstances.

In the last 48 hours, I've felt lonelier than I have in the past month and that's stupid.

I can do better. I will do better.

"You rescued me
Saved my life just in time
Saw past all my issues and scars
And made me try"
-Carrie Underwood